Growing Pains
Or: Crossing the Rickety Bridge
Can I say something controversial yet brave?
If it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t helping you grow.
Okay, truth be told, this isn’t that spicy of a take — we all know the old adage, “no pain, no gain,” after all. But speaking for myself, I’ve rejected that phrase for the longest time due to all the toxic bootstraps logic and capitalistic burnout encouragement tied up in it, so this viewpoint is a recent pivot. I’ve tentatively come around to see the wisdom in “no pain, no gain” because, while those words have unfortunately been weaponized by some to justify countless forms of abuse, they still contains a nugget of truth: Creatively, we can only grow by making ourselves uncomfortable. And getting uncomfortable feels yucky, even to the point of pain.
Think about it:
When you go to the gym, you do reps to the point of exhaustion (but not any further, otherwise injury occurs) in order to build muscle — and that achy soreness you feel the next day means you’re doing something right.
In adolescence, when we shoot up like bean sprouts in genetically preordained growth spurts, we get the biological phenomenon of growing pains from our body’s rapid expansion.
If you are giving birth to a creative work, it’s only natural there are emotional “birthing pains” associated with the act of creation.
The proof of the relationship between pain and growth is all around us. The pain (not to mention the emotional whirlpool of doubts, insecurity, and uncertainty) associated with personal and creative growth is another thing we can add to the list of the inevitabilities of life, right beside death and taxes.
Seth Godin has coined “The Dip” as a term for the period of reckoning that occurs in a project once the shiny newness of inspiration has gone and you’re down in the trenches doing the work. I wager we’ve all experienced that creative disillusionment at some time or another, and had at least one project that never made it to the other side of the Dip.
Logically, most of us know that living a creative life has its ups and downs, but Jeez Louise, that knowledge still doesn’t prepare us for being smacked in the face by the downs!
I won’t lie to you, dear readers: Since coming out of the proverbial creative closet and beginning to work towards actualizing my many creative goals, life has been one big rollercoaster of emotion. I oscillate between fits of inspiration & optimism and tears & woe, accompanied by a defeatist attitude because it all feels like too damn much. Stepping into courage, I’ve bumped up against limiting beliefs I didn’t even know I had! And then I think “Wait, I thought I knew better than that! I wrote about how perfectionism is the enemy in like, week 1 of this blog, so why am I here sobbing over singing a few ugly notes / not liking that makeup I did / the sentence I could have worded better / fill-in-the-blank?”
It is in those moments that I remind myself that healing isn’t linear and, as my lovely partner reminded me earlier this week via text when I was spinning out:
Progress is progress is progress.
Now, I don’t want to go around promoting “pain —> growth” willy-nilly. It’s imperative to learn the distinction between pushing out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion and burnout (or, to refer back to our exercise metaphor, to the point of injury). Jen and Peter have a fantastic conversation on The Long and the Short of It called “Capacity vs. Tolerance” around this topic that I highly recommend you give a listen.
Experience is the most valuable teacher for understanding this difference, but on my recent rollercoaster I know I’m pushing myself to a Goldilocks (just right) degree because: the downs don’t last long and I dust myself off pretty quickly — and when I do, more inspiration inevitably follows.
Courage is a nice-sounding concept that doesn’t always feel good in practice. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing — the opposite, in fact. Growing pains are the evidence you’re actively in a growth state.
I’ll leave you with an image given to me by my brilliant teacher Jillian Paige of Meisner in Music that heartens me when I’m experiencing those growing pains. In class, Jillian tells us that the Meisner technique may not always feel “good” in practice, or even stable — that the awareness Meisner asks of us should make performing feel like “crossing a rickety bridge.” So when the creative downs hit, and I’m looking down, Shrek, I’m looking down!!! I like to think on that imagery and remember that if the path feels a little unsteady, that means I’m on the right one.
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things (this week)
This is where I’m gonna be sharing assorted cool shit. It’s also a place for me to put you onto some of the coolest people I have the pleasure to know, pay it forward, and give folks their flowers. You can always scroll to this part if you’re a TL;DR type of person. I won’t judge.
Jammin’ On:*
*New segment alert! Sharing some tunes I’m loving (some, like this week’s, have a motivational slant — because you can’t possibly stay down in the dumps while listening to Makin’ a Move by Lady Bri )
☠️ Wake up, babe! New Ryan Scott Oliver just dropped!
When I saw Tomorrow, the Island Dies in my Spotify recommended, the swiftness with which it was coming through my earbuds cannot be overstated. Since my high school self discovered and subsequently became obsessed with a YouTube video of Lindsay Mendez performing Map of Scars from Scott’s musical, We Foxes, I’ve known RSO is a voice in the theatre industry I am drawn to.
His latest work, Tomorrow, the Island Dies, is rife with emotionally charged lyrics that instantly make me want to know every detail of the plot — particularly the juicy “Ms. Kelly’s Tapes” and “I Know You”. Like, I wanna see it staged NOW. Highly recommend for more of Scott’s signature Gothic musical vibes and a stellar mix of solo and group numbers.
💰 A refreshing dose of money mindset designed with artists in mind
I’ve been a fan of Brooke Benson, the money coach behind Not Starving Artists for a whiiiiile now; since before her podcast days when she was sharing her financial wisdom primarily on Instagram (where you should still follow her btw). But now you get the bonus of her perspective on all things money for creative freelancers direct to your ears if you listen to Not Starving Artists over on Spotify (or your podcast provider of choice)!
Brooke’s mission is right in the title: to do away with the starving artist narrative through providing personal finance education tailored to creatives, helping us create systems that work for our fluctuating income so we can feel good about our money and our choices around it. Brooke really knows her stuff and says “money gets to feel fun, simple, and sexy.” If you tell yourself unhelpful stories about money/finance (I do, too. Working on it!) I can’t recommend the Not Starving Artists podcast or Brooke’s page enough.
🤘 A raw & raging rock-pop anthem
The wait is over — Mario Houle is on Spotify, y’all! And right out of the gate with an emotionally raw anthem of betrayal that draws you in and builds and builds. I Trusted You is a vulnerable debut single where Mario’s insane vocals play off of lyrics that tell it like it is, exposing hard truths with the emotional frankness that made Mario oh so delightful to work with when I directed him as Jamie in The Last Five Years in college. Seeing that quality translated to his music is amazing and god, what a voice! Proud is an understatement — go stream I Trusted You now when you’re in the mood for moodiness.
Crafting Connections
This is where I’m gonna leave you with a big ol’ question. Something to ponder, have a moment with your journal over, or to connect about with me & other creatives in the comments. To not only (hopefully) connect to one another, but to connect the dots between the seemingly unrelated, and connect to yourself in ways you may not have considered yet!
What is your go-to move when you encounter The Dip? (Be honest!) How would it feel to do the opposite the next time you encounter creative struggle?
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts & musings! Also feel free to share your thoughts on the “no pain, no gain” mentality below 👇
xx
Kat