Read Me For Filth, Why Don't Ya?
Or: The Virtues of Brutal Questions
Dear reader, does this ever happen to you?
You’re going about your business, mid-rant sesh with your friend/partner/therapist/voice teacher, and in the middle of your tale of woe they casually drop the most earth-shattering, perspective-altering question imaginable. Your world is collapsing in around you and your head is reeling — seriously, how the fuck did they just ask you that? You’d almost be offended if you weren’t still in shock and trying to process their sudden wisdom.
This happened to me the other day listening to the podcast We Can Do Hard Things with author Roxane Gay as a guest. In the middle of her fun & engaging banter with Glennon Doyle, Gay dropped the question bomb:
“Am I substituting ambition for self esteem?” Let me tell you, I was gobsmacked. Jaw agape, clutching my pearls. How dare you, simply by posing a question, point out to me in such crystalline terms what I’ve been doing without realizing it for the past…well, forever?! I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, and this was weeks ago.
This experience got me thinking about the power of sucker punch questions. The questions that feel so confronting, that make you squirm in your seat, but that you know you would benefit from asking, because on the other side of your discomfort is a huge a-ha moment and the potential to move forward in a new way. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I live for the questions from my therapist or my family that make me do a quick double-take to make sure I’m not on RuPaul’s Drag Race. The library is open and nobody is safe, least of all my ego!
Besides shifting our perspectives, these interrogations yield another positive effect: we better get to know the ins and outs of our current neural pathways. Put simply, we learn how we operate. We can see through our facades and the smoke and mirrors of our ego faster. If you know how a machine works, it’s significantly easier to tinker with. The same principle applies for our intricate (and often subconscious) inner systems of belief.
This week’s edition of TCC is short and sweet because I’ve been a) busy cooking up a freebie for my actor folks (which includes several ass-kicking questions and challenges) and b) spending time with family for the holidays and scrambling to get my shit together for the new year. I particularly love wrestling with some hard questions around this time of year, so I thought I’d share a couple of my favorite go-to’s for when I’m feeling stuck, masochistic, or both! 👇
What am I avoiding right now? What am I afraid to face?
How does the story I’m telling myself about me or my situation let me off the hook? (+ then I write a new story/belief)
What am I afraid it will mean about me if I try something new and “fail”?
When I fall into people-pleasing, what am I compensating for? What do I fear will happen if I stop putting others first?
This is just a sample size, but see how much fun they are?! The best part is, they totally don’t make me wanna crawl into a hole for a week or more 😅
I jest, but I think asking yourself the tough questions is a more loving way of calling yourself on your bullshit — one that doesn’t blame & shame, but gets curious about excavating the bullshit so that juuuust maybe, next time you’ll be able to bounce back one second faster when you find yourself spiraling. Uncomfortable as it can be to face ourselves, we all need to kick our own asses from time to time.
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things (this YEAR)
This is where I’m gonna be sharing assorted cool shit. It’s also a place for me to put you onto some of the coolest people I have the pleasure to know, pay it forward, and give folks their flowers. You can always scroll to this part if you’re a TL;DR type of person. I won’t judge.
Jammin’ On:
A Few of My 2023 Favorites to wrap up the year:
(plus my IG round-up of recs from the last two months)
Artist (according to my Spotify Wrapped!)
Maggie Rogers
Podcasts
The Long and The Short Of It (they did an awesome ep. on kick your ass questions back in the day!) & The Liz Moody Podcast
Book (Fiction)
Babel by R.F. Kuang or The Candy House by Jennifer Egan (plz don’t make me pick)
Book (Nonfiction)
On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen
TV Show
Daisy Jones & the Six (Prime), Shrinking (Apple TV+), The Gilded Age (Max), Nevermore (Dimension 20/Dropout), Taste the Nation (Hulu)
New Habit
Morning pages
Place Visited
Portland, ME
🥁 DRUMROLL, PLEASE… she’s HERE
My big recommendation this week is that you hop on over and grab my freebie, ✍🏻 The Aligned Actor 2024 Workbook, for more delightfully brutal questions (dispersed among questions on more joyful topics). I created the reflection tool I needed to get specific in my career & balance my goals as an actor with the person I want to be in the world (cuz it’s all integrated, babyyyy) & I’ll be doing it right alongside ya ❤️
Crafting Connections
This is where I’m gonna leave you with a big ol’ question. Something to ponder, have a moment with your journal over, or to connect about with me & other creatives in the comments. To not only (hopefully) connect to one another, but to connect the dots between the seemingly unrelated, and connect to yourself in ways you may not have considered yet!
Since I already asked a bunch of doozies above^ I’ll ask something fun n’ simple this week:
What is something you began in 2023 that you’re looking forward to continuing in 2024?
(PS my answer is this blog!)
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts & musings! Also feel free to share your 2023 creativity wins below (really, I wanna hear ‘em!) 👇
xx
Kat
Resources & Ways to Work Together:
✨Audition With Intention✨ Notion Pack - The streamlined, customizable digital home for your acting career that cultivates a space for mindful metrics, regular reflection, and goal setting so you can chart your own course in the theatre industry.
🔬 Courageous Creatives Lab* - Your calm in the storm of pursuing an acting career, and a holistic approach to acting coaching that fosters community, provides accountability, and encourages risk-taking and experimentation 🧪
(info on 2024 Cohorts launching soon! Comment “LAB” to be sent the juicy deets directly once available so you don’t miss a beat)
Coming soon in 2024:
⚔️ Side Quests - Move forward on your creative projects by giving yourself the gift of time to explore them from new angles. Side Quests are free weekly Zoom meetings to fall down research rabbit holes, pull unexpected threads, and share your findings in community — you never know what might inspire a new direction!